MMORPG Info Logo Just Can’t Get the Staff

There is so much to do in Kingdom of Loathing, how does the busy adventurer fit it all in? They get help, of course!

Every household can use a helping hand to make things run a little smoother. Now that you have someplace to sleep, it’s time to look at getting your campground looked after so that you can enjoy a life of leisure.

Obviously, having intelligent but pliable staff is optimal, which is why we recommend you start by creating brainy skulls to attack to the body of your choice.

Brainy Skulls

Brainy Skulls are crafted by combining a smart skull with a disembodied brain.

First: you need access to the Misspelled Cemetary in the Nearby Plains.

If it is not on your map, you need to visit your guild and click on the person who is the opposite class to you to receive the quest The Wizard of Ego.

Adventure here to collect smart skulls from a Smart Skelton. If you enter the Misspelled Cemetary with a ten-leaf clover equipped, you will receive the Only Dust and a Plaque encounter which rewards with a smart skull. If you have completed the quests in The Cyrpt, you can get both a smart skull and a disembodied brain by taking a ten-leafed clover to the Misspelled Cemetary.

Disembodied brains are dropped by Brainsweepers in Fernswarthy’s Tower in the Nearby Plains.

If this is not on your map, you will need to adventure in the Misspelled Cemetary until you receive a grave robbing shovel, an uncommon drop by grave robers in the cemetary, need not be equipped. Once you have that, adventure until you get A Grave Mistake as an encounter. This encounter rewards the letter which give access to Fernswarthy’s Tower. Take them back to your guild, read the letter and then speak to the quest giver again to recieve Fenworthy’s key. Fenworthy’s Tower will be added to the Nearby Plains.

Note that the Brainsweepers do not always drop a disembodied brain. If you are impatient, then enter the Tower Ruins in Fenworthy’s Tower with a ten-leafed clover and you’ll receive the I’ve Gotta Crow encounter and receive a disembodied brain.

Combine the smart skull with the disembodied brain to create a brainy skull.

Meat Maid

The meat maid keeps your campsite nice and tidy which results in your receiving four additional adventures every night. To create a meat maid, you will need a meat engine, just like you created for the Bitchin’ Meat Car.

Travel to Degrassi Knoll in the Nearby Plains and collect the following components:

  • Spring
  • Sprocket
  • Cog
  • Empty Meat Tank

These items drop from the encounters there and can also be found in Gnollish Toolboxes.

For the meat maid, you will also need the frilly skirt and maiden wig from the Gnollish Crossdresser in this zone.

  1. Combine the spring with the sprocket to make a sprocket assembly.
  2. Combine the sprocket assembly with the cog to make a cog and sprocket assembly.
  3. Combine 100 meat to make one meat stack.
  4. Combine the meat stack with the empty meat tank to make a full meat tank.
  5. Combine the full meat tank with your cog and sprocket assembly and you have a meat engine.

Now that you’ve got the engine, it’s time to put it all together. If you haven’t already received a maiden wig and frilly skirt, continue with your encounters in Degrassi Knoll until you receive these items.

Now for the masterpiece:

  1. Combine the brainy skull with the maiden wig to create a maid head.
  2. Combine the meat engine with the frilly skirt to create a Meat maid body.
  3. Combine the maid head with the Meat maid body and you’ll have your very own Meat maid.

Use her in your Miscellaneous Items inventory to add her to your campsite.

Chef and Bartender in the Box

Having a chef in the box in your campsite means never going hungry again. Using this contraption, you can cook stuff without using up adventure turns. A bartender-in-the-box allows you to make cocktails without using up adventure turns. They don’t last forever so you may wish to create two of each in order to ensure that you never have to do without.


For all of these items, you will need to start with a nothing-in-the-box.

To collect boxes you need access to The “Fun” House in the Nearby Plains which is achieved by crafting your epic weapon.

If this is not on your map, you’ll need to speak to your class contact at the guild and start your epic weapon quest Me and My Nemesis. Visit the casino with a ten-leaf clover in your inventory and choose the Lemon Party Slot to win a big rock. Visit the hermit and collect the appropriate item for your class (there is a full list on the Legendary Epic Weapon Quest write-up on The KolWiki). You’ll need a tenderizing hammer and one adventure in order to meatsmith the big rock and your class item. Meatsmith the result with your starter weapon to craft your Epic weapon. Return to your guild and The “Fun” House will be added to the map on the Nearby Plains.

Adventure in The “Fun” House and collect boxes by defeating the various things in boxes in the zone. If you enter The “Fun” House with a ten-leafed clover in your inventory, you will receive The Boxer encounter which rewards you with boxes.

Adventure in Degrassi Knoll to collect springs.

Combine a box and a spring to make a nothing-in-the-box. Now you just need a head.


First you must collect a chef’s hat.

The lowest level area to collect these is in the Haunted Pantry in The Right Side of the Tracks. If you’ve already completed the quests in this area, you should visit the Haunted Kitchen in Spookyraven Manor instead, as zombie chefs seem to be slightly more common than the assistant chefs in the pantry. If you’ve have not yet opened up Cobb’s Knob, you can collect the hat by adventuring in the Outskirts of Cobb’s Knob. The chefs in the Cobb’s Knob Kitchen do not appear to have hats.

You’ll also need an E-Z Cook Oven[tm] which you can purchase from the Demon Market in the Market Square.

  1. Combine your chef’s hat with a brainy skull to create a chef skull.
  2. Combine the chef skull with the nothing-in-the-box to create a chef-skull-in-the-box.
  3. Combine the chef-skull-in-the-box with the E-Z Cook Oven[tm] for your chef-in-the-box.

Simply use the item in your inventory to add it to your campground.


To create the bartender-in-the-box you will need beer goggles from the Typical Tavern in the Distant Woods. In order to collect these you must have completed The Typical Tavern Rats quest from the Council of Loathing. Once the tavern is cleared of rats, it offers non-combat encounters including A guy walks up to you at a bar… which rewards you with two beer lenses.

You will need a cocktailcrafting kit which can be purchased from the Demon Market in Market Square.

  1. Combine one beer lens with another to create beer goggles.
  2. Combine beer goggles with a brainy skull to create a bartender skull.
  3. Combine the bartender skull with your nothing-in-the-box to create a bartender-skull-in-the-box.
  4. Combine the bartender-skull-in-the-box with the cocktailcrafting kit to create a bartender-in-the-box.

Use the item in your inventory to add it to your campsite.

Clockwork Contraptions

If you have access to the Thugnderdome in the Gnomish Nomad Camp, you can upgrade all of these to Clockwork versions. You must have ascended and chosen one of the Moxie moon signs to see this location, a subject for a further guide.

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