Mr Welch has been compiling a list of things he is no longer allowed to do when playing RPGs, to the great relief of various GMs who may find his playstyle … somewhat of a challenge to deal with.
Mr Welch has made rather a long list. A list so long that he had to post three times to get around LiveJournal truncating his list.
- 1275 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG
- Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG 501-1000
- Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG 1001-1275
What’s astounding is how amusing the list is despite its extravagant length. Here are some favorites:
- Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
- My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
- Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
- Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds.
- My character does not have the flaw Addiction: Helium.
- Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
- I cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convince the fighter his new sword is a magical talking one.
- I will not blow all my starting funds on hookers and booze.
- If I wake up to find black cloaked figures in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings’ room.
- German characters do not gets 4 racial bonus to intimidate French characters.
- Not allowed to use basic economics to crash the evil empire’s economy by spending all my swag there at once.
- Cannot make a plan that hinges on the villain first being allergic to peanuts.
- I will not miss the final epic battle just because I crit my seduction check.
- I cannot bet the powergamer he can’t field strip the grenade faster than me.
- No matter how much he pisses me off, I will not raise the barbarian’s dead mother-in-law.
- We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
- I can’t summon anything in MM4 just so I can take a bathroom break while the DM looks it up.
- When told to dress like a Goth I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.
If you enjoy roleplaying games and want some amusing light reading, then head on over and read all of the 1275 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG.